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4 years ago[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Woke up and got ready for the gym, because we were going to shoot around before the game. Got there and started playing a game with the team, it was fun for a while. Then it ended pretty shortly, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, so I decided to go see her for the last time.
When I got there, I try making a move on her, but for one hour straight she rejected everything I did. I wonder is it because of him, that she’s doing or is it because she lost feelings for me. It’s probably one of those reasons. Then it got worst, I started getting angry and angry thinking about him, Then I blew up in her face, saying stuff I didn’t mean, but it’s like I couldn’t hold it back anymore I just don’t understand her, she saids she loves me but yeah why is she with another guy then? Damn then she had enough and she blew up in tears and yelling at me, I have never seen her like that since two years and three months ago. She went crazy, while she was screaming at me, all I kept on thinking in my head, was baby I love you, and the past. I try holding her down, but she kept pushing me away, walking out of the room, pushing me away and away, till I pulled her in my arms, she was hugging me and crying, damn in my mind. I was thinking, what am i doing?, I love this girl so much, I don’t want her to be like this anymore. I want her to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. While holding her, and her crying on my shoulders, all I kept wondering was, will one day me and her will be back together. But I want her to be happy, I want her to smile, even though I honestly believe she will be more happy with me. But in my mind, it’s like I can feel her heart telling me to let go. So with all the pain and fears in my heart, I made a promise to her, that I will stop loving her. Making that promise was so hard for me, I knew I could do it, but even if it puts me through a shit load of pain to force myself to stop liking her I will. I just hope she will never forget how much I loved her.
After her house, coach picked me and Percilla up and took us to school, where the bus was at. Got to the game, I was pumped up, during the game, we were doing really good at the beginning where we actually got them scared. But the game wasn’t going so well, which really sucks though because coach is right, in a way is like god is giving us a second chance to prove to everyone wrong, and the rest comes up to how bad we want it. I knew the team wanted, but we weren’t playing like we wanted it. We lost by thirty, but it’s ok because I put my heart in the game like I promise.
After the game Jeanette, Julie, and Van was there waiting for me, I found out Van drove them there, so we decided to go get a bite at Wendys. Then we head over to the mall, I hit up James seeing why he didn’t go to my game and what he’s up to, so we end up picking up James. It started raining, and Van was a little nervous driving but he was doing ok. We picked up James and decided to go see city lights haha, since Van was in the rush, he drove up to Valley Christian and was like this is what I present to you guys haha. It look like shit. But it was all good. Then Van asked James if he can get the car and drive me and Nette home, since he needs to get home and drop off Julie. Van drop me, Nette, and James off at James place, he sneak into his garage and sneak out the car haha. When we got in, we realized it was to early to go home and we don’t want to put a good night go to waste. So James just drove us around up to EV. While in the car it felt good just cruising through my emotions, while Nette was talking I was just thinking about her and what happened today. The cruise felt peaceful just driving around in the car, with the pouring rain on the window, and the thoughts of her. But I know I need to let go, but I know it’s killing me slowly.
Then we decided to go over to Nette house to eat hu tiue and play Halo 3. It was fun playing Halo 3 even though Jeanette killed me like hella times. Eating with those two was fun, felt really close together and for some reason it was really good. Afterwards James and me got in the car so he can drive me home. On the way home, I was just telling him how I feel about her, yeah we were cruising through my emotions again, it felt good.
I guess in a way today thinking about what happened, I cant seem to get that image out of my head, But in a way that woke me up. I’m starting living up to my promise, I will. There’s been a lot of people checking my Live Journal, might as well tell me who you are. whatever, But my heart is dying, because in a way I’m forcing my heart to do something it doesn’t want to do. Notes
